Deise Boys – Up in the Ard Ri
GAA Stuff
GAA Quotes
1. ‘Babs Keating was arrested in Nenagh for shaking a cigarette machine,but the gardai let him off when he said he only wanted to borrow twenty players’ – Waterford fan after 2002 Munster final
2. I love Cork so much that if I caught one of their hurlers in bed with my missus, I’d tiptoe downstairs and make him a cup of tea”- Joe Lynch, actor.
3. “The toughest match I ever heard off was the 1935 All-Ireland Semi-Final. After 6 minutes, the ball ricocheted off a post and went into the stand. The pulling continued relentlessly and it was 22 minutes before any of the players noticed the ball was missing” – Michael Smith.
4. “Sylvie Linnane would start a riot in a graveyard” — Tipp fan on the Galway legend.
5. “I’m not giving away any secrets like that to Tipperary. If I had my way, I wouldn’t even tell them the time of the throw-in” – Ger Loughnane.
6. “He’s like Lazarus; but Lazarus didn’t have such a sweet right boot” — Micheal O’Muircheartaigh on Colin Corkery.
7. “Whenever a team loses, there’s always a row at half time but when they win, it’s an inspirational speech” — John O’Mahony.
8. “There are 2 things in Ireland that would drive you to drink. GAA referees would drive you to drink, and the price of drink would drive you to drink” — Sligo Fan after 2002 Connact final.
9. “The wheel fell off my mobile home” — Offaly’s Eugene McGee explains why he was late for training.
10. “When my friends were besotted with Jason Donovan, my heroes were Colm O’Rourke and Barney Rock” — Sue Ramsbottom (Laois Ladies Captain).
11. ‘We’re taking this match awful seriously. We’re training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the beer since Tuesday’ -
Offaly hurler quote in the week before a Leinster hurling final vs. Kilkenny
12. ‘Ger Loughnane was fair, he treated us all the same during training-like dogs’ -anonymous Clare hurler
13. ‘Any chance of an autograph? Its for the wife…she really hates you’ – Tipp fan to Ger Loughnane
14. ‘You can’t win derbies with donkeys’ – Babs Keating before Tipp played Cork in 1990
15. ‘Sheep in a heap’ -Babs Keating description of Offaly in 1998
16. ‘Babs Keating ‘resigned’ as coach because of illness and fatigue. The players were sick and tired of him’ – Offaly fan in 1998
17. ‘And as for you. You’re not even good enough to play for this shower of useless no-hopers’ – Former Clare mentor to one of his subs after a heavy defeat
18. “We’ve won one All-Ireland in a row” — Wexford Fan in 1996.
19. ‘They have a forward line that couldn’t punch holes in a paper bag’ – Pat Spillane on the Cavan football team
20. ‘Meath players like to get their retaliation in first’ – Cork fan 1988
21. ‘Meath make football a colourful game-you get all black and blue’ -another Cork fan 1988
22. ‘Colin Corkery is deceptive. He is slower than he looks’ – Kerry fan
23. ‘Life isn’t all beer and football…some of us haven’t touched a football in months’ – Kerry player during league campaign 1980s
GAA Glossary of Terms
Baite – e.g. “I gave it baite” – I put a fair bit of effort into it
Stomached – surprised eg. “Jaynie, when he came up behind me I was awful stomached”
Mighty – very good
Timber – intimidation of a hurling opponent, “we may have lost but at least we gave ‘em timber!”
Welt – swing at
Lamp – a good thump
A Crowd e.g. “that crowd from Ardrahan are a right shower of shites”
Schkelp – a good thump
Bullin’ – angry. e.g. “the centre half back was bullin’ after I lamped him”
Bull thick – very angry
Joult – a push
Joshel – a shoulder push
The Comm-it-eeee – Local GAA bullshitters in general
Bushted – eg. “Jayz me arm is bushted”
Bomber – a very popular nickname for a GAA player
A hang sangwidge – consumed with tay on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Thurles
Citeog – he hit it with his citeog. ie. left handed/footed
Warp – hit something hard as in “I’ll f**kin’ warp you”
Blast – A great amount of anything.
Rake – Also a great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness
A Shamozzle – a group of players shkelpin’ one another but not exactly hittin’ anyone at the same time!
Flakin’ – usually goes on for a whole game….. e.g. “Jayz Mike Murphy gave Tony Delaney an awful flakin’ below in training on Sunday”. To “flake” a lad for a whole game usually starts off with a bit of the aforementioned “joshellin’” and “joultin’” and develops into a bit of “weltin’” and may even result in a good “lampin’” for the victim especially if he gets “bull thick”.
Namajaysus – What was that for, referee?
Ya-bollix-ya – Corner back’s formal recognition of a score by his opponent
Leh-it-in-ta-fuck-would-ya – Full forward’s appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass
Mullocker – untidy or awkward players
Horsed – bout of rough play or intimidatory tactics as in ?we horsed them out of it
Horse – untidy or rough player. There’s one in every club ( The Legendary ?Horse? Delaney)
Row – Fight involving four or more players swinging hurleys like lunatics
Massive Row – Row involving both team,substitutes and supporters jumping fences
Running Row – A massive row that continues out in the parking area and/or dressing room areas
“Come up ta F*ck”- A corner back back trying to rise the ball
“a hape” – A big quantity (Heap)
“in the paw” – To catch the ball.
“a Brawl” – A collection of bodies in disagreement with each other.
“a Dinger” – Usually a fast wing forward who can leave his opponent “for Dust”.
“a right C*nt” – The Ref was a bit biased towards the other team.
Micheal ? Muircheartaigh Masterpieces
-
“Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down – his people are undertakers”
-
“… and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, i’ll tell ye a little story. I was in Times’ Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newsstand and I said ‘I suppose ye wouldn’t have the Kerryman would ye?’ To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said ‘do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?’… he had both…so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet…”
-
“I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal. So much for religion.”
-
Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn’t be playing football. He’s made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn’t kick points like Colin Corkery.
-
“1-5 to 0-8.. well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that’s level scores in any man’s language”.
-
“Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now … but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail …… I’ve seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!”
-
“I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork Sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae.”
-
“Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy”
-
“Danny “The Yank” Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn’t he done well”
-
“He grabs the sliotar, he’s on the 50……he’s on the 40……he’s on the 30……………………..he’s on the ground”
-
“In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball”. “He kicks the ball lan san aer, could’ve been a goal, could’ve been a point………….it went wide.”
-
“Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly….Stephen, one of 12……all but one are here to-day, the one that’s missing is Mary, she’s at home minding the house…..and the ball is dropping i lar na bpairce….”
-
“Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, itgoes to the left and wide….. and the dog lost as well”
-
“Sean Og o Hailpin…. his father’s from Fermanagh, his mother’s from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold”
-
“Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation”
Satellite News Channel interview with Euro 2004 fans in Lisbon…
The reporter asked one man if he was disappointed that England had lost.
The man replied, “Not at all, I’m Irish, I’m from Waterford”.
The reporter then asked, “But would you not support England when Ireland are not in the competition?”
The man replied “Jaysus no way”.
Reporter: “Why not?”
Man: “800 years of oppression!!”
Reporter: “Is there ever any time you would support England?”
Man: “Maybe if they were playing Kilkenny!!!”
The reporter handed back to the studio with a puzzled look on his face.
He just didn’t seem to get it
Letter to the Irish times…
Thu, 08 July 2004 13:11
Madam,
I was visiting your beautiful country when my country, Greece, fought its way into the European cup final by bravely defeating the favoured Czech Republic. On the following day, Friday, July 2nd, I travelled from Cork to Rosslare.
Imagine my surprise and delight to find that almost the entire route especially between the towns of Youghal and New Ross – was gloriously festooned with the blue and white colours of Greece!
Such overwhelming support of one small country for another brought tears of joy to my eyes. I wish to express my heartfelt gratitude to the Irish people for making this Greek feel so at home at such an important time for his country. – Yours, etc.,
MANOLIS ANDROPOULOS, Athens, Greece.
(Waterford were playing in the Munster final that weekend!)
Local Radio Broadcast Spraoi 2003…
Last August weekend Spraoi opened on Friday night despite heavy rain. On Saturday morning the sun shone clear from the heavens. The sproai organiser, asked on WLR if he was anxious about the weather, said: “Ah no. I’ve had a message from God. Last night’s rain was a mistake. He got the date wrong. It was actually the Kilkenny Arts Festival he wanted to p*#s on.”
Who do you support…
Primary school in Kilkenny, September 2001
An unnamed teacher said to her class, ‘Hands up who supports Kilkenny?’ All the kids shouted ‘Kilkenny and Up The Cats’ whilst throwing their hands in the air with hasty abandon, except for one little girl sitting in the corner who kept her hands by her sides. The Teacher asked her, ‘Mary, who do you support?’ Mary Replied, ‘Waterford of course because my mammy and daddy do too.’ The teacher, obviously annoyed with this said, ‘Mary, if your mother was a protstitute and your father was a robber, what would you be then?’ Mary sat back and thought for a moment, then smiled wryly and said,
‘A Limerick Fan’
The class erupted.
Sample Deise Menu
~Appetizers~
Red Lead Blaa
Dilisk & Butthur Sangwich
Blaa Butty with Lettuce and Salad Crayme
Denny Rashers on Jacob’s Crackers
Scallops (Sliced spuds battered and deep fried)
Packet of Tayto in a Blaa
~Main Courses~
Skirt & Kidney StewCrubeens (Pigs Trotters) with Ghrribs & Tails
Offal Stew (Chucks, Back & Loin Bones etc.)
Tripe with milk & ungins
Cappoquin Chicken Blaanini
(All served with poppies and slouhcawn)
~Desserts~
Goody (on a saucer)
Cream Buns (remember de cream?)
Slab Cake / Chesthur Bread
Waterford Soda Bread
Sally Luns
~Refreshments~
Mug o’ Scald / Cup o’ Cha
A Layarge Bohhel offa de Shellef
A Ritz for de lack
A can of Hoppmans
Clonmel Chardonnay
Downes’ no. 9 mix
A Bohhel o’ Phoenix
Gimme a Cappoquin Chicken!
A old lady goes into her local supermarket and asks a young butcher for a nice fresh Cappoquin chicken.
“No problem,” says he, as he fetches one from the fridge. The old lady takes the chicken, has a quick look up its hole and declares, “Das not a Cappoquin Chicken get me anudder.”
The yungfella goes back to the fridge and brings out another bird and again the old lady has a quick peek up the chicken’s hole and getting a little annoyed at this stage announces, “Das not a Cappoquin chicken needer, who are ye tryin’ tew cod! Get me anudder dis instant!”
The yungfella, really puzzled at this stage, returns with a third chicken. Again, the old lady looks up the chicken’s hole and now really annoyed at not getting her Cappoquin chicken says to the lad, “Dis is disgraceful, are ye trying to make a fool outa me? Where are you from boy?”
To which the yungfella dropped his trousers, stuck his arse in the air and roared…
“You’re de feckin’ expert you tell me!!!”
Tony “Brasscock” McGrath
Gimme a Cappoquin Chicken!
A old lady goes into her local supermarket and asks a young butcher for a nice fresh Cappoquin chicken.
“No problem,” says he, as he fetches one from the fridge. The old lady takes the chicken, has a quick look up its hole and declares, “Das not a Cappoquin Chicken get me anudder.”
The yungfella goes back to the fridge and brings out another bird and again the old lady has a quick peek up the chicken’s hole and getting a little annoyed at this stage announces, “Das not a Cappoquin chicken needer, who are ye tryin’ tew cod! Get me anudder dis instant!”
The yungfella, really puzzled at this stage, returns with a third chicken. Again, the old lady looks up the chicken’s hole and now really annoyed at not getting her Cappoquin chicken says to the lad, “Dis is disgraceful, are ye trying to make a fool outa me? Where are you from boy?”
To which the yungfella dropped his trousers, stuck his arse in the air and roared…
“You’re de feckin’ expert you tell me!!!”
Tony “Brasscock” McGrath
Diseased Dog…
A fanatical Clare supporter was walking his scabby little mangy diseased dog on the Monday after the defeat by Waterford. As he strolled along the beach full of despondancy, he saw a bottle which was quite unusual lying on the strand. He poked the bottle with his toe and low and behold out pops a genie.
‘Your wish is my command,’ said the Genie.
Startled, the Clare fan said, ‘I wish this scabby little mangy diseased dog of mine be turned into a greyhound that would win The Laurels and The Derby.’
The genie took one look at the mangy little mongrel that was on its last legs and shakes his head, saying, ‘That would be very difficult. Is there any other wish you have?’
The Clare supporter thought and his eyes lit up for an instant… ‘I wish that Clare will win another ‘All-Ireland’ in the near future!!!’
The genie looked a bit taken aback for an instant. He then rubbed his beard and said…
‘Would you ever give me a second look at that dog?’
One Liners
One Liners
Q: How do you make a Kilkenny fan run?
A: Build a job centre
Q: What would you get if Kilkenny were knocked out of the championship?
A: 199 more Waterford fans
Q: How does DJ Carey change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.
Q: What’s the difference between DJ Carey and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s DJ.
Q: What’s the difference between a Langer and a bucket of poo?
A: The bucket…
DJ Carey was caught for speeding on his way to Croke Park today.
“I’ll do anything for 3 points”, he said when questioned
Q: What do Haemhorroids and Cork Fans have in common?
A: They’re both a complete pain in the hole and never seem to go away completely
Q: What’s the difference between an Clare fan and a Chimp?
A: Ones hairy, stupid and smells, and the other is a chimpanzee.
Q. What’s the difference between a Clare fan and a coconut?
A. One’s thick and hairy, and the other’s a tropical fruit.
Q: How many Galway fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Galway…
Q: What do you say to a Wexford supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo
Q: What do you say to a Dublin fan with a job?
A: Can I have a battered sausage and a chip please!
Q. What’s the difference between the Cork Hurling Team and the Ryder Cup Team?
A. There’s only one Langer in the Ryder Cup Team
Q. What do you have when 100 Kilkenny fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand (Sorry, I am incorrect here, I don’t think there are 100 Kilkenny fans).
Q. What do Wexford fans use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. You’re trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a Limerick fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the Limerick fan – twice.
Q. What does the Kerry hurling team and Mike Tyson have in common?
A. They’re both out after round one.
Q. What do you call a Kilkenny man in Kilkenny on a Monday morning?
A. Unemployed.
Q. What’s the difference between the Offaly goalie and Pamela Anderson?
A. Pamela Anderson’s only got two t*ts in front of her.
Q. What is the best thing to ever come out of Kilkenny?
A. The road to Waterford (to Waterford people this is the worst thing as not only does it give Kilkenny people access to our beautiful paradise, it also costs Waterford people 146 Billion Euro a year in damages to shock absorbers).